{"id":1500,"date":"2008-11-21T10:57:28","date_gmt":"2008-11-21T15:57:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/2parse.com\/?p=1500"},"modified":"2008-11-20T14:57:51","modified_gmt":"2008-11-20T19:57:51","slug":"new-bond-girl-to-be-named-chesty-evildoer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/2parse.com\/?p=1500","title":{"rendered":"New Bond Girl to be Named Chesty Evildoer"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Cracked.com lists the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.cracked.com\/article_15785_15-most-cringe-worthy-james-bond-puns.html\">Top 15 Most Cringe-Worthy James Bond Puns<\/a>. This is the least cringe-worthy:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Bond is in bed on top of Dr. Christmas Jones, a brilliant nuclear scientist convincingly portrayed by Denise Richards, who, like all brilliant female nuclear scientists, looks like a supermodel and dresses like Lara Croft.<\/p>\n<p>Then James says, &#8220;I thought Christmas only comes <em>once a year<\/em>.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>The saddest part is knowing the entire reason they named her &#8220;Christmas&#8221; was so they could set up that orgasm joke at the end of the movie. So in the <em>Bond<\/em> world, girls can grow up to be nuclear physicists, but they still get stripper names.<\/p>\n<p>Bond girls (as you&#8217;ll see) tend to get worse names than this, and Christmas was probably something like &#8220;Vixen McLegs&#8221; or &#8220;Chesty Evildoer&#8221; in earlier drafts. Then, they thought up the joke and went back in with Microsoft Word and reverse engineered all the &#8220;Aslyn Boobsaplenty&#8221; entries into &#8220;Christmas Jones.&#8221; Yes, screenwriters get paid good money to do things like that.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Cracked.com lists the Top 15 Most Cringe-Worthy James Bond Puns. This is the least cringe-worthy: Bond is in bed on top of Dr. Christmas Jones, a brilliant nuclear scientist convincingly portrayed by Denise Richards, who, like all brilliant female nuclear scientists, looks like a supermodel and dresses like Lara Croft. Then James says, &#8220;I thought [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[5],"tags":[195,1020],"class_list":["post-1500","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-cracked","tag-james-bond"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8qcx-oc","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/2parse.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1500","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/2parse.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/2parse.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/2parse.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/2parse.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1500"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/2parse.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1500\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1503,"href":"https:\/\/2parse.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1500\/revisions\/1503"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/2parse.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1500"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/2parse.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1500"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/2parse.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1500"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}