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New Bond Girl to be Named Chesty Evildoer

Cracked.com lists the Top 15 Most Cringe-Worthy James Bond Puns. This is the least cringe-worthy:

Bond is in bed on top of Dr. Christmas Jones, a brilliant nuclear scientist convincingly portrayed by Denise Richards, who, like all brilliant female nuclear scientists, looks like a supermodel and dresses like Lara Croft.

Then James says, “I thought Christmas only comes once a year.”

The saddest part is knowing the entire reason they named her “Christmas” was so they could set up that orgasm joke at the end of the movie. So in the Bond world, girls can grow up to be nuclear physicists, but they still get stripper names.

Bond girls (as you’ll see) tend to get worse names than this, and Christmas was probably something like “Vixen McLegs” or “Chesty Evildoer” in earlier drafts. Then, they thought up the joke and went back in with Microsoft Word and reverse engineered all the “Aslyn Boobsaplenty” entries into “Christmas Jones.” Yes, screenwriters get paid good money to do things like that.

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