From Andy Borowitz of the New Yorker (h/t Joy)…
The Premise:
Al-Qaida No. 2 Ayman al-Zawahri will soon answer the hundreds of questions submitted by journalists, militants and others about the terrorist network’s future, its media wing announced Wednesday.
—Associated Press.
Excerpts:
Dear Ayman al-Zawahiri:
Does Al Qaeda ever endorse political candidates? If so, I recommend that you give a big thumbs-up to Barack Obama. I guarantee you he hates America as much as you do (if not more)! It would be great if you appeared in a bunch of TV ads and called him “the evildoing President that evildoers have been waiting for.”
—Bill in Chappaqua
Ayman al-Zawahiri writes:
Al Qaeda is only interested in American elections to the extent that we can plunge them into abject chaos. So this year, as in every other year, we are supporting Ralph Nader.
…
Dear Ayman al-Zawahiri:
I have been trying to get through to WFAN Sports Radio 66 for the past three weeks, but they keep putting me on hold. So let me ask you instead: Do you think the Mets will go all the way?
—Mike in Flushing
Ayman al-Zawahiri writes:
Raining down misery and destruction on the Great Satan leaves me little time for such idle contemplations. That said, if Johan Santana puts up the kind of numbers he did for the Twins, look out.